Many people juggled job transitions, illnesses, and a total upheaval of family schedules in 2020, but 2021 will likely come with its fair share of stress and the unknown. It did appear that more conversations about mental health were taking place, as schools attempted to work with families and doctors were discussing it with patients. Being a parent during the pandemic was (is) tough, so is being a kid.
According to the Center of Disease Control and Prevention, more than five million children and teens are diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression in the United States. Research also shows if your child has a learning disability, autism, ADHD, or other special need, they are more likely to suffer from anxiety than their typically developing peers.
ANXIETY TRIGGERS
Dr. Jennifer Cain, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in Buffalo, NY and a Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. According to Dr. Cain, “The biggest triggers of anxiety are things that are a threat to the child’s personal safety or a threat to the parent-child bond. In adolescence, being rejected by one’s peer group is also a major cause of anxiety.”
Dr. Cain goes on to state other triggers of anxiety can be changes in the family, disruptions to routines, sickness, separation from family, and difficulty mastering academic skills. If your child has a disability or an illness that requires extra doctor and hospital visits, you know they struggle in exactly these areas. Gym class can cause anxiety for any non-athlete, but for a child with a disability, this can be a serious cause of stress. Students with physical handicaps or have disabilities impacting muscles or coordination are now having their disability highlighted in front of their peers. Or, they have to have alternate accommodations, making them stand out even more in an activity in which most students would rather blend in.
Consider the daily school day: Teachers often speak quickly and are required to move through content quickly, sometimes within one class period. Now, take away the brain’s ability to focus if a student has ADHD. Students with auditory processing may only hear the first few words of each sentence. Students with autism may struggle to ignore the ticking of the clock and the smell of the room. Add a teacher that might call on students at random, and it’s pretty easy to see why those suffering from anxiety actually do get a stomachache at the thought of going to school.
THE MANY FACES OF ANXIETY
There are specific disorders specific to anxiety. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) causes kids to worry every day about many different things. Most students do worry about completing homework and scoring well on exams, but those with generalized anxiety disorder might worry about events parents may not even know exist.
Another common anxiety disorder is separation anxiety disorder. Most children will go through this when they are younger, but it doesn’t always go away. Older children and teens can also struggle to be away from loved ones, but the fact that they are older and feel they shouldn’t feel this way just makes it more stressful.
Panic disorders include repetitive episodes of sudden feelings of fear or intense anxiety. A panic disorder may include a sense of impending dread, chest pain, and shortness of breath.
Children are prone to tantrums, and teens to mood swings even at the best of times. So how can parents tell if the behaviors are related to anxiety, or is cause for concern? According to Dr. Cain, children can exhibit a variety of symptoms and behaviors in response to anxiety, and every child is different.
Dr. Cain and other experts state anxiety in preschoolers may cause them to regress. The child who was potty trained or sleeping through the night with no issues may suddenly wet the bed or delay bedtime. Others may use babytalk they had once outgrown. Older children might suddenly share more worries, mention having headaches or stomachaches, and may be more irritable. Some children might struggle to fall asleep; others might want to sleep all the time. Other people with anxiety pick at their skin or nails or develop an obsession about something they didn’t obsess about before. Another red flag is if your tween/teen withdrawing from things and people they once loved.
HOW TO GET HELP
If any of the above occurs, or you notice your child acting out, it might be good to consider calling a therapist. Once you have made the decision to seek outside help, it may take a few tries to find the just right person. An internet search and recommendations from friends and a school counselor will help point you in the right direction. Websites like psychologytoday.com list many area therapists, their expertise, and their availability. Once you have a list of names and numbers, many good therapists will happily talk over the phone about their therapy style and approach.
At the first appointment, it’s likely the therapist will meet first with the adult, or the adult and child together, before working with the child alone. In the age of COVID, which is certainly increasing anxieties, many therapists offer telehealth sessions.
Psychiatrists and other medical doctors can prescribe anti-anxiety medications. This is a serious decision and should not be made lightly. However, it can be life-changing for some students. It might take some trial and error to find the right medication and the right dose, but with careful observation and a good doctor, it just might help. In the meantime, consider these suggestions from Dr. Cain:
1) Keep routines as predictable as possible. A family calendar kept where everybody has access to it is one way the entire family can see what needs to be done, where people are, and what can be expected in the days ahead.
2) Limit the exposure to news and other media that creates an emotional feeling of fear or negativity. Talk about the events being discussed, and allow your child to share their perspective and ask questions.
3) Spend time together doing fun activities where conversations can be held in a safe space and time. This can be a good opportunity to discuss events and ideas related to anxiety. By talking about it in non-stressful moments, it may be easier to talk. However, Dr. Cain also suggests not pressing children/teens to talk if they are not ready.
4) Address the child’s concerns respectfully and honestly in a manner appropriate to their developmental age. Being secretive will only fuel the anxiety. Also, don’t make false promises that the problem can be fixed or solved, as this may not be the case.
If your child does receive special education services and/or has special needs, consider these suggestions from experts:
1) Revisit the plan of instruction. It might be good to add in time with a counselor once a week to “check in.” Analyze if modifications need to be changed, and/or analyze if the environment is still a good fit
2) Remember the 80/20 rule: Give them 80% of what they can do easily to build confidence, and then help them through 20% of something challenging.
3) Most children with learning disorders or spectrum disorders are visual learners. By modeling behaviors or what can be expected, the fear of the unknown can be decreased. This could be brushing teeth, going to the dentist, or tackling that geometry question. Model making mistakes, talk through finding the answers, or the steps you are doing to solve a problem.
The goal isn’t to pretend stress doesn’t happen. That isn’t realistic. But teaching children and teens how to deal with stress is useful lifelong skill. And, don’t forget to take care of yourself! Parents of children with special needs are at greater risk of being anxious/having anxiety than those that don’t. Fortunately, in Western New York there are many experienced therapists available to talk. Don’t wait to get your child (or you!) help.
Julia Garstecki is a special educator and the parent of a son with multiple disabilities. She is the author of more than 70 nonfiction books for learners with special needs. Contact her at julia@juliagarstecki.com and follow her on twitter @juliagarstecki.
Dr. Jennifer Cain is a Clinical Psychologist in Buffalo, NY. She is a Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and is a member of the American Academy of Clinical Psychology. You can learn more about Dr. Cain by visiting her website at www.JenniferCainPhD.com.