Date Nights That Don’t Require a Babysitter
A happy marriage makes a happy family,” says sex and relationships therapist Dr. Jenni Skyler. Skyler, a wife, and mom of two young children herself, says many many well-intentioned couples direct time and energy toward their children — at the expense of their marriage. These couples, she says, have it backward. “It may seem less logical to take care of your relationship first, but it actually does affect the family in a positive way.”
Date night is an excellent time to connect with your partner, but getting out requires childcare. As we all know, good sitters are rare, not to mention expensive. The SAHDN (stay at home date night) offers quality time with your partner without the hassle or the expense of a sitter. After you put your kids to bed (earlier than usual) here are seven low-key at-home dates to try.
1) Eat Grown-up Food Together
Once your kids are asleep, you’re probably very hungry. You might be tempted to eat the crusts of their sandwiches while you wait for your own dinner. Do not do this. Instead, have a big glass of water (or wine) and wait to savor something you wouldn’t normally enjoy with your kids. My husband and I did this recently and we couldn’t get over the fact that we were able to have an uninterrupted conversation at our own table. Or don’t talk. Just enjoy your food together and take in the precious silence.
2) Go Outside (but not far)
Crack a window or grab the baby monitor and hit the backyard. Have a drink on your patio, spread out a blanket and stargaze, or sit by a bonfire or your fire pit. My husband and I made our own fountain last summer and had so much fun enjoying the tranquil sound over a glass of wine as the sun set after our kids were down. (I confess, we bought the supplies together while a sitter was watching our kids. Yes, we made a date out of a trip to the hardware store).
3) Create Something
It doesn’t have to be complicated or labor intensive. You could turn on some music and do a simple project like working on a puzzle or painting on canvases. I once got my software-developer, directions-loving, rule-following, lives-entirely-in-his-left-brain husband to make a vision board with me. If I can do that, I’m pretty sure you can get your spouse, no matter how un-artistically inclined, to make a puzzle or a painting with you.
4) Netflix & Popcorn
Watch a movie or binge-watch your favorite show. Or if either of those are too much of a commitment, watch one show, some stand-up comedy, or a few Daily Show clips on YouTube. As a friend said, having fresh, real popcorn in the mix will keep you sitting close to one another. And if you think snuggling up with your honey and a screen doesn’t count as quality time, research shows it can actually be good for your relationship.
5) Play A Game
If you’re feeling energetic, break out a two-player game, like Scrabble, Jenga, Checkers, Chess, or Cribbage. If you want to raise the stakes, make the loser be the one to get up with the kids in the morning.
6) Read aloud to one another
There’s something special about listening to your partner narrating a story; which words they put emphasis on, the accents and inflections they include in different characters’ dialogue, and just listening to the sound of their voice. When I was enormously pregnant with our second child and unable to find a comfortable position in which to even hold my Kindle, my husband read me a chapter or two of The Rosie Project every night. He’s done a lot of sweet things for me over the years, but that ranks among the most romantic.
7) Just Talk
Put your phones away and just talk. Ask each other questions. Not questions like “Have you seen the checkbook?” or “Are you going to schedule the sewer cleanout or should I?” No, ask real, juicy questions. If you’re not sure where to start, Lifehack offers a fabulous list that’s sure to inspire you: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/list-100-questions-ask-your-partner-date-nights.html
8) Get Physical
Have sex. Or don’t. There are a million different ways to be intimate with your partner. Take a shower or a bath together, give each other back rubs, or just kiss. Cuddling is known to cause the release of oxytocin, a hormone that plays a huge role in pair bonding.
Whether it happens weekly, monthly, or sporadically, date night is a time for parents to nurture their relationship. It’s a time to remember that we are still the same people we were before we were whisper-yelling, “It’s your turn to tuck her back in!” and being careful to avoid the pain of stepping on a rogue LEGO. Date night is a time to have a conversation that’s not about whether the dishwasher is clean or dirty. So don’t worry about creating the perfect, novel date. Focus instead on making it low-key; because the date you actually go on is the date that helps you connect.
This article was originally published on Parent Co.
Pam Moore has written for The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, and many others.